It's Not Me, It's You
ravenclawslibrary:

bookworldau:

We’re all too familiar with this.

That is the single greatest moment of panic I’ve ever experienced.
I have stretch marks.

smallerbenz:

Reblog if you do too. Just to prove that it is more normal than what people actually think.

(Source: happy-healthy-kitty, via amatama)


THIS IS IMPORTANT

reparteeist:

mother-machinegun:

GUYS TODAY MY GIRLFRIEND AND I WENT TO GOODWILL AND I FOUND THIS FUCKING CLOCK

IT WAS LIKE THIS CLOCK WITH BUTTONS YOU COULD CLICK AND IT CYCLED THROUGH WORDS AND FOR WHATEVER FUCKING REASON THEY INCLUDED THE WORD ‘NUTS’

LIKE

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ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

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WHAT PURPOSE DOES THIS CLOCK FUCKING SERVE

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WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD FUCKING IDEA

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NOOOO

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THIS IS FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE

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we bought it.

We spent actual real money on this and its in the bedroom where it belongs

(via t0-n3ver-land)


officialanonymoose:

If gay people don’t use the phrase “I can’t think straight around you” as a pick up line. I feel like we have missed a genuinely great opportunity.

(Source: heckayeah, via improbablycomplaining)


  • Satan: [appears]
  • Satan: You can have anything you wan--
  • Me: LANGUAGE.
  • Satan: What?
  • Me: GIVE ME EVERY LANGUAGE.
  • Satan: What the--?
  • Me: YOU SAID ANYTHING. GIVE ME EVERY LANGUAGE IN THE WORLD.
  • Satan: Wouldn't you rather have love or money?
  • Me: EVERY. LANGUAGE. MASTERY OF EVERY LANGUAGE. NOW.


and-the-two-idiots:

stripedpants:

My brother’s friend was starting to apply for colleges. And one of the colleges he applied to required a 3 page essay explaining what daring meant to them.

So being the clever person he was

On the each page he wrote 1 word with huge font,

THIS

IS

DARING

And he later got accepted. 

this is my favorite story on tumblr

(via yourqueen-is-here)


gilinskytbh:

baesicdallas:

So there’s this place in New South Wales called Yass and there is a mcdonalds there and well…..

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"my ass"

open 24 hours

(via slash3s)


Let’s make the Flubber movie cover the most reblogged picture on Tumblr.

insanitys-love:

mymompickedthisurl:

thewinchesterswagger:

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HOW IS THIS THE FIRST TIME I’VE SEEN THIS IT’S ALMOST AT 10 MILLION WTF

Yes let’s do it for him.

(Source: mspandrew, via see-you-all-in-therapy)


spookyjacob:

ur not allowed to be busy youre my only friend

(via sensualblackman)


surprisebitch:

dating tip: ask them to show you their recently used emojis so you can count your matches and see if you are compatible

(Source: surprisebitch, via nicedildo)


awwww-cute:

My girlfriend’s rat dog doesn’t let me poop in peace